I feel there is no one I can turn to or talk to for help. I hope I'll be ok. I want jesus to help me.
I would encourage you to turn completely to our Lady. She understands your predicament call on her to help you. Get to know her more intimately. You can achieve this through meditating on the mysteries of the most holy Rosary.
Nothing makes sense in the dark night. Keep faithful to the daily recitation of the rosary. Meditate on the mysteries.
Peter, while I can’t say I know exactly what your going through, I can share that too am in some dark moments briefly interrupted by moments of anger. And we know what Jesus said about anger. In fact just this evening it was pretty bad fir me… but the Lord provudes- Thursday the local Marian shrine has Adoration - they call it Thankful Thursday. So, as much as the evil one was trying to prevent me from going - I received an email from my boss at 6:30 pm with a ridiculous request that caused sheer rage in me. But my guardian angel whispered … get to Adoration. I did. And tbh, the first 20 minutes sitting in front Our Lord, I was still seething thinking about my work. But again I think the Lord brought me to His Real Presence in the Host in Monstrance. What happened next is something I don’t do much…. I just started to sob- heaving sobs and I did not care who noticed. I just gave it all to Jesus at that moment. Now, I’m not saying Pftt.. magic ..my darkness and struggle disappeared. No, Christ must want them to remain so I keep coming to him and yes maybe even sobbing like a baby. I just know that it reinforced that I am entirely a weak man… but it’s that exact weakness that makes me strong because it means I come to My Lord… and say I can’t do this… only you can… you know me for who I am and yes I BELIEVE he loves me warts and all So, Peter , I don’t know if this help you , but I know Jesus Christ absolutely 100% loves you exactly as you are. We are on a journey toward recognizing it for ourselves. Peace Peter.
I see unpleasant things when I open the Bible. I saw about the separation of the wheat from the tares this morning. Am I a tare? I feel there is something out there that doesn't like me at all and is trying to destroy me. We all know who that is. I wish God would give me more help. I will go to Mass and Adoration today.
Dark Night Of The Soul The Dark Night of the Soul St John Of the Cross (THE PURGATIVE WAY) On a dark night, Kindled in love with yearnings–oh, happy chance!– I went forth without being observed, My house being now at rest. In darkness and secure, By the secret ladder, disguised–oh, happy chance!– In darkness and in concealment, My house being now at rest. In the happy night, In secret, when none saw me, Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart. (ILLUMINATIVE WAY) This light guided me More surely than the light of noonday To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me– A place where none appeared. (UNITIVE WAY) Oh, night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn, Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved! Upon my flowery breast, Kept wholly for himself alone, There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him, And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze. The breeze blew from the turret As I parted his locks; With his gentle hand he wounded my neck And caused all my senses to be suspended. (BEATIFIC) I remained, lost in oblivion; My face I reclined on the Beloved. All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.
Sometimes I think the Dark Night is like the Old Greek Fable of Icarus. Icarus and his father wanted to fly . So they got feathers and glue and made wings. Icarus took of like a bird but got over ambitious and flew too close to the sun, the glue melted , the wings fell apart and poor Icarus fell to his death on the Earth below. When we start to get a little closer to God the sun of His love becomes so bright it blinds us. I used to wonder when the Dark Night ended. But in a real sense the Dark Night never ends , it is just we become so used to the Darkness we can see in the Moonlight. Or, to put it another way we can see in the Dark, we develop a new way of seeing. But in order to do so we have to remain blind for a period of time. It seems in the Darkness as though God is not there. But it is not that God is not there. He is there so much we can no longer see Him .
I wonder if the dark night of the soul is a kind of purification alternative to purgatory? as the suffering of physical diseases on earth.
I think it is like a purgation of the soul and the senses so like purgatory being done on earth. A purification.
I think at the start of prayer we hold God like a pussy cat in our lap. We make a fuss of him and fondle Him and own Him. But the days grow onwards and the putty cat turns into a full grown lion . Huge. He will no longer let Himself be taken on our laps anymore. God never changes. But our perceptions of Him do....and that can be very painful. All growth involves pain. In order to meet the Lion Of Judah the little pussy cat much die and that can be very painful. I think many souls do not progress beyond the pussy cat stage. They cannot bear the pussy cat, the ownership of God, so to speak, to go.
We can I think talk of two kinds of suffering; Salvific and Redemptive. Salvific is the suffering that cleanses us and leads to our purification as with the fires of Purgatory. Redemptive Suffering leads to the Redemption of mankind…. Think of it like a Chalice that fill up with wine. Up until the brim of the Chalice the suffering is Salvific..then when the wine of suffering brims over the top of the chalice it flows outward and onward to the salvation of the world. This is what Victim Souls, for instance, accomplish. Redemptive Suffering.
We can never own God. It is only ever God who can own us. Because He is Greater than we are. This sounds so simple and true a thing. But in effect most souls never grasp this in the practical working out of their Spiritual Life.
