St. Simon of Cyrene was called upon to help the Lord carry the Cross. He (Simon) was not exactly thrilled about it, but nevertheless, did as he was asked. We all know that Jesus did not need help from anyone at all, but He accepted Simon's assistance in that task and by the end, Simon was full of compassion for Him. Simon was truly blessed to have been accepting of this task and, imho, is a good saint to think of when suffering is so intense; a great example for any/all of us. He showed great patience in adversity. And it led him, at the end of that road, to a great love of the Lord. Just hold on tightly to the Cross, and ignore all those "soldiers" who mock your suffering or try to discourage you.
Well said. In the Book of Job, at the very end of Job’s long period of suffering, it says: “and the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning.” So you have something to look forward to!
My dearest Sanctus If I may I want to speak to you. I know darkness pain sin. I too have felt rejection a total overwhelming emptiness. I watched others alive while I experianced nothing total nothingness. Faith a hope in him that died frequently. My misery greater than his mercy was the lie I gave into. May I share with you what he did? How he answered my wretchedness? My heart beating, my breath filling my lungs even when I thought I couldn’t breathe! His gift to me…. Life…..he was the source of my life here on Earth. Slowly and painfully even with faltered steps he raised me. From the depths of the void he gives meaning. My story not yet told. My suffering is ongoing but now has meaning. I believe! The gift of faith overcomes all. A light shines in the darkness of me. He is near… ask he will not refuse. Why? Even death was not enough he allowed his heart to be pierced that even after death his blood would flow. I will pray for you and ask your prayer in return. He loves you and is so near you!
I feel must have done something wrong to be this way the way I'm suffering. All I can see is darkness and desolation.
Padriag, I just watched something about Padre Pio and his wonderful relationship with his guardian angel. This made me think of you.
I watched this the other day and it made me a little bit fearful. In case maybe I was being a little bit too familiar. But I like to think he will make allowances. I was walking up the road today and was passing our Local Latin Mass Church. A large party of Catholic School girls passed by and not one of them Blessed themselves or even glanced at the Church whose doors were wide open. It reminded me of something the other evening. I was passing the Church at eventide when the Mass had just ended and nearly everyone had gone home. I smelt the most wonderful smell as of heavy incense. You could tell the Mass had recently been said. How sad to pass a Catholic Church and not even to glance it's way. If we passed our mother in the street would we not even look or cross the street to say, 'Hello?'
Sanctus, you are in the company of great saints. You will one day feel privileged to be chosen by God to be called to such a desolation. Prayers for your faithful perseverance! Saints who endured desolation in prayer Zvonimir Atletic | Shutterstock Meg Hunter-Kilmer - published on 04/03/21 On Holy Saturday, sitting beside the tomb of Jesus, it's comforting to know that many of the Church's greatest saints felt the sorrow of doubt. It’s easy to read the most quotable lines from the saints and assume they were all one Hail Mary away from ecstatic prayer. But for many of the saints, prayer was often dry. Worse, it was often haunted by doubts and utter emptiness. We, too, can experience this desolation, these months or years when prayer is only ever a chore, when lifting our hearts to heaven immediately fills us with doubt and loneliness. On Holy Saturday, as we sit beside the tomb of Jesus and think of the moments in our lives where all hope seems lost, let’s take comfort in the faith of the saints who persevered in prayer even when it was empty and dry. St. Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997) famously found no consolation in prayer for 50 years. Though in her youth she had known the sensation of joy in the Lord, for decades her joy was not a feeling but a decision, the choice to believe in the power of the resurrection when all within her felt dead. “There is such a deep loneliness in my heart that I cannot express it,” she wrote. “How long will our Lord stay away?” And again, “Sometimes the pain is so great that I feel as if everything will break. The smile is a big cloak which covers a multitude of pains.” We have hundreds of saints who served the poor as devotedly as Mother Teresa; were that her only attribute, devotion to her would likely wane over the next few decades. But a saint who served with such palpable joy while enduring decades of desolation will console and strengthen the faithful for centuries to come. Bl. Carlos Manuel Rodriguez (1918-1963) was a chronically ill Puerto Rican man who shared his deep love of the liturgy through the newsletters he produced, the talks he gave, the study groups he organized, and the retreats he ran. During his last months, Carlos felt abandoned by God, living the darkness of Good Friday and Holy Saturday, but before he died the light of Easter came back into his life and with it the joy of being loved by God. But even in his darkness, he had loved so beautifully that after his death, the staff at the hospital refused payment from his family, insisting that in his many months of agony he had given them far more than they had given him. St. Faustina Kowalska (1905-1938) is most famous for her visions of Jesus when he gave her the devotion to Divine Mercy to share with the world. But the young Polish nun didn’t always see Jesus when she prayed. In fact, for two and a half years she struggled in prayer, later writing, “A darkness began to invade my soul, growing thicker and thicker. My spirit became dark, the truths of the faith seemed absurd to me. When someone spoke to me of God, my heart was like a stone, incapable of the slightest act of love! I found no consolation in prayer … Often during the entire Mass, I did nothing but struggle with blasphemies that rushed to my lips.” But Sr. Faustina persevered. Upon learning that her struggles were not sins but a trial to be endured, she prostrated herself before the Blessed Sacrament and declared, “Even if you kill me, I will have confidence in You!” After a time, she moved out of this period of desolation and eventually became a visionary whose prayer changed the world. Bl. Luigi Maria Monti (1825-1900) was the Italian founder of an order of nursing Brothers. But even in his first flush of fervor, as he was founding his order, he struggled with profound darkness in prayer. Years later, he wrote “I would spend hours before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, but they were all hours without a drop of heavenly dew; my heart remained arid, cold, and unmoved.” He was on the point of giving up when he was granted a singular grace: an apparition in which Jesus and Mary encouraged him to persevere. After that, he worked tirelessly for the poor, the sick, and the orphaned for decades as he led his young religious order. St. Thérèse of Lisieux (1873-1897) is often portrayed as a saccharine young thing whose heart was constantly filled with joy at the thought of Jesus. But while she loved God deeply, she also struggled mightily against the temptation to doubt, particularly as she suffered from tuberculosis at the end of her life. She wrote, “When I sing of heaven’s happiness, of what it is to possess God forever, I feel no joy; I simply sing of what I want to believe.” As she lay dying, she wrote that Jesus “allowed pitch black darkness to sweep over my soul … I suffered it for months and am still waiting for it to end.” But Thérèse knew that faith is not a feeling; it’s a choice. And so the woman called “the greatest saint of modern times” by Pope St. Pius X attained holiness in darkness and desolation because she never stopped choosing to love God.
I'm sure your Guardian Angel loves your banter, back and forth, no one knows you better. He probably is thrilled to be one of the few angels who has a real relationship with his charge.
Angels are wonderful , but so very different than us. They are rather like compasses whose needle always point Northwards. The gaze of the angels are always fixed on God, whom, unlike us they really do see in the Beatific vision. (Once as a baby , and I know people will say this is impossible for babies do not keep memories...I looked form my cot and saw my Angel Guardian standing at the end of the cot. He was staring fixedly, it was as though he had his hand on a sword and was very ,very vigilant indeed guarding me and watching for danger.) In this fixed stare they remind me rather of what cats or dogs or other animals sometimes do, this fixed stare. For animals it is a matter of life or death. All or nothing. Soldiers on a battle field would have such a fixed stare. Unlike us angels do not give 10% or 50% of themselves into their prayers or anything else. They are always , always ,always 100% in all they do and hence are really great examples. But it must exasperate them to see their little sisters and brothers here on Earth to struggle to give even a little 10% at best. Angels are 100% ers.... they are always, always, always 100% To some extent too I think we might say the same thing of Demons. They give all 100% of themselves to evil and their Father Satan. They don't mess about and are implacable.
I find I get hope for a little while and then I am reminded of my sins again. I keep telling God that I am sorry. I feel close to God for a moment and then it is taken away. I would do anything to be Holy and live a good life.
The Father at mass this morning said it is a lovely way of praying to pick a piece of scripture from the Mass Readings and hold them in our heart all day. The piece he picked was: Ps 89 4. In the morning, fill us with your love; I thought of you Peter when he said this. To be filled with love is to be filled with joy and peace. May you be filled with both. My Spiritual Director in times of great darkness told me to pray to the Holy Spirit May He fill you each morning with Love and Joy and Peace
Thanks Padraig. I used to always love listening to catholic hymns. Even though all feels lost I will ask the Holy Spirit for help. I feel my relationship with God is missing over something. What used to be a beautiful relationship with God has turned into a nightmare. I dont know why God is permitting this. I remember once telling God that my love for him grows more and more everyday and I heard internally the words "and I for you". But all that seems to be missing now and I dont feel Gods love.
Padre Pio thought at one time that God had forsaken him. Perhaps I am going through something similar. Ir perhaps I made a mistake with God. I would do anything to feel Gods love and Grace again.
You are alone with The Alone. Such is the irony that to have union with the Divine we are most lonesome because He is the All Silent One. God is omnipresent - think about that - He is everywhere including within you - but you cannot feel or touch because He is always beyond reach -- because it is night - yet the dawn will come - These lyrics mean a lot to me as I went through an intense darkness like yourself - rest assured you will come out the other side -- Where have you hidden, beloved? Why have you wounded my soul? I went out to the wilderness Calling for you But you were gone Oh shepherds keeping your watch in the hills If by chance you meet with my love Tell him I suffer in my lonely grief And soon I will die I have searched for my love in the mountains I have searched among the meadows and the fields He has poured out a thousand graces in them So my heart might be healed Yet my heart is not healed
Thanks for this, garabandal. The darkness is intense the past two years and the evil one is trying to get at me too. Hopefully things will improve. Everything has been so confusing and difficult. I'm finding it very hard to keep going. I genuinely dont know what to do.
