Padraig, When I first raised this prayer issue up with you in July, I could have quoted the above verbatim to describe my own experience, especially the highlighted part on fixation. However, I feel now that an imbalance in my life relative to preferences vs. responsibilities is the main culprit in producing this extended period of dryness. This week the Lord opened a door of grace and insight that I hope leads to spiritual equilibrium. My spiritual director offered some practical points for refocusing and I'm sure this will be helpful, too. Time will tell. Don't allow my comments to sidetrack the progression in your story. I just wanted you to know I was on the same wavelength with you for a paragraph, anyway. Safe in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary!
Padraig, I'm just catching up with your writings as I've been away. This is like balm to my soul. I miss so much hearing about personal experiences, that's where I learn the most. Thank you for taking the time and risk to share this with us. And thank your for the tip on setting the guard at our thoughts. I have a very young friend, 17 yrs., who could really make great use of this technique. Lee
Hi Terry and Lee. On the subject of personal spiritual experiences. I think God seems often to speak to us in a very slight whisper, in the gentle breeze rather than the great storm. God never dumps the need for faith, He is very great and we are very small: 1 The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. 2 One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. 3 The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple [a] of the LORD, where the ark of God was. 4 Then the LORD called Samuel. Samuel answered, "Here I am." 5 And he ran to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." But Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." So he went and lay down. 6 Again the LORD called, "Samuel!" And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." "My son," Eli said, "I did not call; go back and lie down." 7 Now Samuel did not yet know the LORD : The word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. 8 The LORD called Samuel a third time, and Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, "Here I am; you called me." Then Eli realized that the LORD was calling the boy. 9 So Eli told Samuel, "Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, 'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.' " So Samuel went and lay down in his place. 10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening." Even when the Arcangel Gabriel appeared to Mary , surely the best qualified in all history to understand the angels message, Mary had to ask clarification. 'How is this to be since I am a virgin? Saint Teresa of Avila comments ruefully how many times she was led up a spiritual cul de sac by wrong spiritual directors. Currently the greatest series of Marian apparitions in human history at Medugorje are being rejected by and misinterpreted by many Bishops and leaders in our Church. Sometimes I think the danger lies in not so much being humbly unsure and maybe making errors of judgement, but rathr in being like the Pharisees and Saducees in being too sure about things. We are only pilgrims and none of us are going to get ait a hundred per cent right. But so long as we genuinely trying to do the right thing I don't believe we'll ever come to any harm, in fact God will only derive good from our genuine errors..and I include here bad priests, bishops Cardinals and even Popes. I don't think we're ever really meant in this life...or at least in these dark latter days to have a kind of blinding certainty, we must proceed with the eyes of humble faith, stumbling on after God like tiny children, barely able to walk. I am inclined to distrust a preacher who has all the answers, it makes me nervous. Its the same with our SPitual experiences and were we see ourselves ion the road. Paul tells us his conciense does not reproach him, but hastens on to say that at the end of the day it is God who will judge him and by God's own standards. But our faith constantly gives me hope; even if I am the worst sinner and the most deluded person in the whole world God makes it possible for me to begin anew today!! How this makes me smile every time I think of it!! I CAN BEGIN AGAIN TODAY!!! Even if all my faith has been a dream it has been a most wonderful one. full of the gretest joy and happiness. This is what I love about our dear Catholic faith it is just so positive, constantly bubbling with hope and new beginnings!! Yes let us begin today!!! :lol: :lol:
Padraig, not to change the tone of the postings but I wanted to share with you that I have just started to put the sentry at the door. I'm asking to be made aware of my thoughts and those planted by Sparky so I can be aware of the bombardment from the darkness. I'm working at loosing some weight. I've dropped almost 15 pounds, great progress, and I'm working to loose another 10. I just had gone to mass, and confession, I was saying goodby to my friends, it was 7:00 in the morning and I'm not 3 feet from the front door of the church and I got the idea that a big greasy patty melt would be delicious for breakfast! Honest to Pete, I laughed right out loud. That wasn't me! I caught the culprit in broad daylight and it made me laugh. What a place to set up an ambush. . . in my mouth! For those who don't live in the US, a patty melt is a hamburger on rye with cheese grilled and dripping with butter, usually served with fries. Not exactly breakfast fare. So your little trick as you called it really does work and is alive and well...thank you so much. Lee
Yes it does work, Lee!! After a while doing it , it kinda becomes automatic and maybe after awhile it makes you more sensitive to his presense in other ways as well. Since he likes better than anything to hide, this is no bad thing. I think in a back handed way it helps bolster faith a little too, seeing whats gone a little more clearly on the Spiritual Warfare plane
Well I don't know if there's all that more I can write on this subject. God calls and we answer. The more we give to God the more we may feel a little like exiles on the face of the earth. God want 100% and this isn't always easy. I used to think the Dark Night ended suddenly, like coming out of a dark tunnel. But this has not been my experience. In some sense it never ends. In another way the Night doesn't disappear but becomes luminescent, like a very bright moon filled night. I also believe that the Cross lies at the very centre of our faith. We must always be carrying the Cross and hungering for souls if we are to go forward. Sometimes we carry the Cross on our own behalf and often it is for others. In either case the cross is always there. It may be true too that what must be for individuals is true for the world as a whole; that we now must go through a great period of Darkness, of Tribualtion in order to be purified and reach the light. Its wonderful how in our faith suffering is a plus and never a negative. The Song of Songs Cant 3:1 Upon my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer. Cant 3:2 "I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves." I sought him, but found him not. Cant 3:3 The watchmen found me, as they went about in the city. "Have you seen him whom my soul loves?" Cant 3:4 Scarcely had I passed them, when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
How sweet it is! Padraig, Your quote reflects what I have read elsewhere. The fact that it comes from personal experience somehow makes it more genuine. By the way, the passage from The Canticle is my favorite! I was just meditating on it this past week! Safe in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary!
I didn't know other people had mentioned the Night becoming luminescent Terry! I'm very curious who was this? You are giving me reassurance in reverse! I think one thing that separates the Catholic experience of prayer from those of other faiths is the central place of faith and suffering in prayer and the Spiritual Life. That there is , if you like no 'free ride' on the SPiritual Life', no where were we can sit back and say, 'I have it made, from now on I can coast home'. :lol: I suppose there wouldn't be any point in the dear Lord keeping any of us on earth if the work of prayer was done. Even if we have given our own pots a good cleaning there is always other folks pots to help clean. Saint Therese of Liseaux said she would spend her heaven doing good on earth. Padre Pio mentions he would stay at the doorway of heaven until all his children were inside. Whereas in other faiths I detect a strong element of self congratualtion, of, having got it made. Of being 'enlightened ' or purified' or somehow made things click. In Catholic prayer the soul turns to others . It seems to me apostolic action ideally brims over from the chalice of prayer. We kind of fill up our own chalice and our prayers brim over into the world. Mother Tereasa of Calcutta was always saying that she and her sisters were not social workers ; that their apostolic work brimmed over from their prayer. Whereas on the other hand secular people and people of other faiths tend to put the horse before the cart and see action as the all in all and prayer as a little bolt on, or even not really important. In the Great Schism that is coming to the Church very shortly it will be quite easy to spot those who remain faithful and those who stray after the devil's new Church. Those who pray will remain faithful, those who walk into the dark will be those who have replaced the true Spiritual Gospel of prayer and a deep interior life with stuff and nonsense like psychology, social action, liberal politics, new age belief systems, etc. The Catholic Cathechism , quoting Saint Alphonsus Ligouri is quite right, those who do not pray are most certainly damned. The more so in these latter times when the roaring lion, the old dragon is loose in the sheepfolds and the shepherds who should have guarded Chrisit's flocks sleep , or have gone over to the enemy. This is why Mary's message at all her apparition sites could be summed up in one simple word pray, pray, pray,pray ,. pray...... There is one occasion , though when the light can kinda brim over a lot in folks prayer life a lot, though. I notice sometimes in folks just before they die sometimes, they come right out of the light into a place of great light and peace, but while we are on earth , I think we must expect and very much wish to help to carry the Cross...
There were a couple of more comments on the Night I forgot to make!!I thought I ended too quickly If you go back to the story of Job you'll see he got hit from all directions. For Job it wasn't simply an internal subjective feeling of sadness and desertion, on the contrary Job got hit from outside and this is what got him down. Saint Tereasa of Avila mentions this too I believe, mentioning that the soul gets whacked not only from the inside but from the outside too. Part of this can be explained like this. Say you get up in the morning and you have won the lottery. This makes you so happy nothing at all can annoy you, sour comments, misadventures all is sunshine and smiles. Now say on the other hand you get out of the wrong side of the bed , now getting through the day is like wding through dark .cold water, everything and everyone is miserable, you are sensitive to the slightest hurt. This can partly explain the general air of doom and gloom during the Dark Night, that when things are down everything else gets you down. but it does not explain it all, by any means. I believe the soul is oppressed by real series of temptations and trials, or at least I found it so in my own life. As soon as the Dark Night hit I left the monastery, which I found very, very hard indeed. I had to find a place to live. I had almost no money. I had to find a job. I had left behind my friends and family and had to rediscover new friends. My spiritual life appeared to sink beneath the sea without a trace and God had vanished beyond the horizon with the speed of sound. I had no direction, I appeared to be going nowhere. People in the world have ambition and direction I had no real interest in worldly goings on , and on the other hand spiritual goings on just seemed to have nose dived. These things were a real trial. On the other hand I have to emphasise that God has not really fled He is of course still there. It takes a little more effort to find Him, but He constantly surprises. For instance the night after I left the monastery I stayed in a boarding house. The Land lord was one of the worst individuals I have ever had the misfortune to meet....
Padraig, I hope you are going to keep this thread going for a while. I especially like to hear the personal story of your own particular trial and dark night. I have never really understood what this dark night means but this is making it clearer to me. I thnk its like the apostles being on top of the mountain and seeing the transfiguration but then coming down the mountain into the world and witnessing the crucifixion and running away and feeling they have failed. As you say this concept does not seem to be present in other faiths. not the ones I see on TV from time to time. Prayer seems to be about unleashing power and miracles which is fine and we need a bit more of that. It does leave a lot of people who suffer behind as it can seem that they dont pray well enough. God bless Mary
I will write a little more Mary,its just I remeber some things as I go along. Also I think a lot of this has relevance to prayer in general. Anyway I was in the flop house and down in the dumps stirring at the ceiling. I picked up my little bible and looked for comfort, but comfort there was none. The door went and it my brothers with some friends..they wanted me to come out for a drink..which I did!! I always remember this, just when it couldn't get much worse I got picked up..and so it went on ..I had no money and my brothers lent me some to get a new taxi. People came and helped me. My spiritual director was a huge help and so on. But you know I really needed these things, it reminds me God is always there when needed. That we are never tested beyond our means. But the hardest thing for me was this new relationship with God. Before when I went into a Church ,for instance it was as though the tabernacle was a blaze of love, now it was just a empty building. Before, when I said the rosary it was like a choir of angels in my heart. Now it was empty and mechaistic and empty rattling chain. Before when I talked to Jesus it was like two best friends , laughing and joking, personal prayer was home to me, a fire always in my heart. Now Jesus was gone, the hearth was cold, the house empty. Even our Lady seemed a mirage and an illusion. However in some ways things imprved. At first I used to wonder if I was mad, bad or imagining it all somehow. But after I suppose a year or two I simply accepted it as a cross to be carried. What did it matter the exact source, it was suffering to be borne for Jesus, mad or bad. Also the intensity faded a little, I think because I got more used to it and accepting it was not something to fade quickly...and of course neither it did. I'll just mention a few occasions of special to give a flavour of what its like in the Dark. One morning in the monastery I went down to take the sheep dogs for a walk and they always loved this, but this morning they whined at me when they saw my face, they sensed my suffering and were afraid and would not walk with me, this of course made it worse. One time years later I felt so bad I approached a minister preaching beside a beach. He said it was impossible for a Christian to suffer so, over so many years, that being a Christian meant always being full of joy. He asked me what Church I belonged to, and when I told him I was a Catholic he told me the problem was Catholics are not really Christians and thats why I suffered!1 This went down like a dead balloon as you can imagine. Going to the mortuary to see my dead 24 year old brother, sister in law and their two year old baby after they all died in a car crash I just froze and sid the De Profundis..'Out of the depths I cry to you..' it seems to me when you are already in a very,very dark place it leaves you with little resources to handle more grief. On that occasion I literally froze and the Doctor had to shake me several times to get me to move. As I say its not just the inner things, the very ground often seems to rise to hit you in the face. Thats also why, I think I would not always separate the Dark Night as a prayer stage from general suffering. Especially tragedy. If we talk to people who have endured and accepted suffering we will always find fruits of great wisdom. Prayer and the Cross are always intertwined, just as life itself involves very great suffering. Now I'll turn to a most unusual subject, my experience of Satan in the Dark Night. Please feel free to believe or the events I tell you, I certainly would not blame anyone for not believing as they may seem incredible. Folks nowadays have really forgotten Satan is a reality, is not just 'out there' but can actually manifest and take physical form and effect. Anyhow the first time this happened I was in the monastery. It always happens in the form of a dark dream. I dream i am in a dark great mansion, always the same place and am often in bed. Then i feel a dark presence in the house moving up towards me through the house. Now very often I 'wake up' from the dream (although in actual fact I am still dreaming} and a dark presence moves towards me, just a presence and dark figure or shape. I fight back by praying and there is what I can only cal la little war with me praying and in particular calling on Our Lady. When I wake up, as I frequently do I am often in qute a state, especially if I 'wake up' from the dream and Satan is still there..though still in a dream.... But the time I really recall was one of the first times in the monastery because in the dream the dark figure pulled my bedclothes off and threw them to the other side of my cell. Now when I woke up from my dream my bedclothes were gone and with a sinking heart I saw them in a bundle at the other side of my cell. Of course I thought at once maybe I had been tossing in my sleep and somehow thrown them off. But my sinking heart came when I looked at the bundle and ..well ,I couldn't believe I had done it in my sleep. I didn't believe that explanation, I no longer really believed they were all dreams. I suppose in my heart of hearts I never really did believe they were just nightmares, but part of me always hoped thats what they were....but there comes a time, when faced by the evidence a sense of the erriee and the other, you just have to accept...
Padraig, this isn't an isolated incident. I have a friend in the North who has conflicts with the Devil at night. She also prayers her way out of the "dreams" even though they are dream-like they are very real. Lee
I'm very,very glad to hear you say this, Lee!1 For ,you know, although I've read very exstensively on such stuff, I've never heard of anyone else being hit exactly this way. Nowadays, since it has gone on so long it does not really bother me so much, unless its really very bad. Its as your friend says rather like an exocrcism often very prolonged and I have to pray my way out of it. I invoke the names of the angels and the saints and the devil , a dark shape tries and tries to come closer while I hold him off with prayer. These days I sprinkle my room with holy water and holy salt, use sacramentals, the Saint benedict medal/cross, the Miraculous Medal, the Holy Scapular and a large open, enthrroned Bible {the Desert Fathers were keen on this]. Also I have a deep devotion to the Holy Angels and before sleeping at night I 'place' the Arcangels Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael at points round my bed and ask special protection from the Guardian Angels. I am not saying I would go down the tube if I did not do this but it really works and I get a much better nights sleep. Actually I would recommend all Catholics to use Sacramentals, the fact we don't go toe to toe with Satan does not mean we are not in deep combat. When first this started I found it hard to sleep. This was difficult as I was up early in the morning and needed to work. I asked my Spiritual Director for help and he said mass. I found out later these dreams stopped the very same day he had offered mass for protection for me. He also referred me to this passage in scripture: Ephesians 6:10-20 The Armor of God 10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. 19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. I have also found the first two lines of the 68th Psalm very powerful indeed: Psalm 68 1Let God arise, let his enemies be scattered: let them also that hate him flee before him. 2As smoke is driven away, so drive them away: as wax melteth before the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God.
Padraig, I'm very much a promoter of Sacramentals also. I travel with Holy Water, it always goes in my Christmas Cakes, sometimes even cook with Blessed Salt, certain use it around our property. My friend says that the demons are very tricky and try to disguise themselves. Sometimes though there is actually a caustic smell and she knows who she's on to. For protection I send my 17 yr old to school in the mornings saying "Prayer's BEFORE you turn on the radio and place the angels at the four corners of the car". The asking of angelic protection around the car works beautifully especially when I'm driving in San Francisco...where they are mostly nuts. At home when I know there are going to be conflicted, combustible conversations in the evening, I invite the saints and angels for their help and sprinkle Holy Water around the house, Bible open and ready. Our God is very faithful in helping to keep the peace during these heated conversations. It always helps me to hear what works in other peoples battles, gives me inspiration and makes me feel a bit more normal. Lee
Yes, Lee , it is one of the great sadnesses of modern times that we forgot the great weapons of Holy Mother Church , the Sacramentals. I am reading a book from Medugorje at the minute, giving all Mary's messages there, there is one that surprised me as I didn't know she had ever said this: July 18, 1985 "Dear children! Today I call you to place more blessed objects in your homes and that everyone put some blessed objects on their person. Bless all the objects and thus Satan will attack you less because you will have armor against him. Thank you for having responded to my call."
It's funny because I HAD read that one and when I returned home from my trip to Medjugorje I put Sacred objects everywhere and insisted that my family wear a crucifix or medal of some sort. Well they thought I had just returned from the moon and didn't go along with the program at all! Needless to say my prayer life became much more important to me after that! Lee
The devil. in my experience is very,very different from what you might think he is. We judge things on our own experience, but the devil is not really in the field of our direct experience at all. For instance Hollywood of the writers of fiction portray the devil as a very, very bad person. Satan is not at all a 'bad' person in this sense at all. The very worst person we could ever meet..say Hannibal Lector or say Adolh Hitler still has the Holy Spirit present in terms of the call to do the right. At medugorje the visionaries had a vision of souls which were damned turning into animals in the flames of hell. So it is with Satan. There is the total and I mean the total abscence of the Holy Spirit. The way I might describe him is this, its like some vast mad huge face that rages in total and complete vast fury at you. This is not a fury that fades out as ours might, He is just totally implacable. If the only harm he could do to you your whole life was to put a pimple at the end of your nose ; then a pimple at the end of your nose is what you'd get. Satan is NOT HUMAN. It is a great mistake to think of him in terms of the human; he is a fallen angel. a spirit. He can if he wishes be intelligent, if he chooses though he can simply be a great nuisance. He is what he chooses to be when he chooses to be it. He can put on or take of intelligence when and if he pleases. He is a spirit, he is subtle , he is unrelenting, he is totally ammoral. he is totally enraged, he is evil itself, he is merciless You cannot compare Satan in any way to a bad person. It is like comparing an ant to a raging dinosaur. we, compared to him are like specks compared to a great tee. We do not stand against him, the only way we can survive in any way is that God has him on a very tight leash indeed. To illustrrate this I wiil describe a dream I had and which I will always remember. I stood in a dark place and Satan as I saw a great darkness rushed towards me to destroy me. Suddenly a light appeared in the darkness, Saint Michael and halted the darkness. Then I heard Satan saying to Saint Michael, in a gravelly harsh voice, 'Why do you bother with these cattle?' St Michael simply gestured and Satan disappeared. However I felt , before Michael appeared great, great pain as though I was being ellectrocuted of dissolved, as though every particle of me was falling apart. In my years of prayer though Satan has in a kinda way become a kind of friend or aquaintance. Satan may hate us yes and his one intention is to see us dragged of screaming to hell. But never forget this, Satan is God's servant, just as we are God's servants. The difference is we serve God willinngly Satan serves God's purpose though he rebels. We are God's children through the Holy Spirit, we share in the victory. Satan is doomed to eternal defeat.
Well, unless anything else occurs to me I think thats the last I have to say about the Dark Night. People talk about it ending. I am not so sure about that, but as I say i would speak more about the dark luminescing. I also think that the further we walk in the paths of prayer the more simple they become. God is very much our companion and showing us the way so we are never alone.
