I think one of the most interesting parts of our own Dark Nights is the death struggle. The ultimate test between Good and Evil for our souls. If we look to the stories from the lives of the saints, from teeh observed deaths of friends , family and others I think we can learn quite a lot. To some extent Mother Church teaches us to prepare our whole lives for this final epic, struggle. For instance when we say the Hail Mary we ask Our Blessed Lady to, 'Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death Amen' . Also in the wonder prayer for a happy death, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I give You my heart and my soul. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, assist me in my last agony. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, may I breathe out my soul in peace with You. How many times in our lives have we, as Catholics have we prepared for our passing in prayer without even thinking about it? In a real sense our whole Spiritual Lives are a preparation for our last trial. Every Mass, every Act of Contriiton every Sacrament of Reconciliation , every prayer to our Guardian Angles preparation for the final farewell. The Last Agony is as real as it gets the final accounting. View attachment 5986
Hi Grimisocks, I was out for a coffee recently with a friend who knows me probably better than anyone, at one stage in our conversation noticing my discomfort they asked was there ever a time in my life that I wasn't in pain. In thinking about this, I realised there were probably very few pain free days in 50 plus years. It is hard to understand long term pain in whatever way it manifests. I have been in and out of hospital many times for tests and ops for physical stuff, but there has always been one specific cross -not physical- which I have carried from childhood, and have earnestly sought over the years to understand its cause and possible cure. I tried various professionals in the medical field and people who are gifted in prayer ministry etc but I never got anywhere. Nor have I ever come across anybody who has this type of cross, and that has made it a lonely journey. This cross however, has been the reason for my conversion and for the hope I am filled with in spite of seeing no light at the end of the tunnel yet. I was reading recently on certain types of cancer, two of which I am very prone to at the moment and I found myself thinking if I got any one of these I would have a few weeks or months of specific suffering and then I would be free. Free from all the pain and the struggle of living life in pain and torment of mind, and I have to admit this really appealed to me. And to be honest I did spend a few years as a young person praying that I would get cancer and have it over with! In hindsight this was just a way of trying to get around suicide and not play with the fires of hell! But then I copped myself on and reminded myself that since I started trying to live in the Divine Will, that all my sufferings if offered and united with the DW can have global implications for mankind. Which even though I will never see them in this life, in faith I know that I can make a difference. Also I realised that recently I have become more accepting of my crosses, which at the end of the day is what we will have to do anyhow... accept. Our crosses are what help us to grow and develop into who God wants us to be, and to live life beneath the surface. In prayer one day recently I found myself telling the Lord that no doubt he has more crosses laid out for me and that I wanted to say yes to them now in advance and would do my best to accept them when they came. I have been more conscious since of making that commitment whenever I find myself in pain now and it has brought a definite peace to my soul. Perhaps unknown to me the Lord has has been leading me towards Gal 2:20, it feels that way at times! Sorry for my ramblings Grimisocks, but should you care to meet up anytime for a coffee and or a prayer we are not that far apart .A chat is always good! Also I know a person who has a peace filled prayer ministry not too far from you. Send me a pm if you are interested. I will keep you in prayer. BC
Luke 7:9 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel." View attachment 5998
Only in heaven, B C, will we see what great graces came through your sufferings willingly offered and how many souls owe their salvation to God's use of your willing offerings. Thank you for sharing this.
Well I am still meandering on about this. But I have not lost the plot..I hope. The reason why I raised the topic of the spiritual death experience is that what applies here with the role of the devil can be applied to all times of trials and sufferings , to a lesser extent in the rest of our lives. Basically of course , what the devil is trying to do throughout the death process is drag the soul ff to hell. He is doing his best to do this all throughout life of course, but usually his strategy is to hide, thus to encourage lack of Faith. In the death process there is not that much point in him hiding behind the bushes anymore so we see him stalking much more forward and out in the open. What has he got to loose? One way or another the soul is about to get its eyes opened as it goes across the veil very shortly. I am not saying the devil always appears in person, though oftentimes himself and the demons do. No but rather he breaks cover for much, much more direct assaults on the soul. The bottom line being this ; he wishes the soul to despair of Salvation and Gods Mercy, just a Judas did. So the devil puts everything the soul every did in a negative or bad light. In a way the devil is trying to put out all the candles in our soul. He is trying to kill the joy, the positive. I noticed this when my mother was dying, very clearly. She had , had a great, very Catholic , very positive life. Raised ten children and had loads of grandchildren and grand children. But I could see the devil was putting it to her that she had wasted her life. Could she not have been a career woman? Could she not have done more with her life? Was it all not a great waste?... and so on..and on..and on..and on.. One thing about the devil and you have to hand it to him, he;s not a quitter. 1 Peter 5:8 Cast Your Cares on Him …7Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.…
This is such a beautiful thread and it helps me greatly. My dear friends, I have endured great suffering in my life but right now I am suffering greater than I ever had before. This suffering is very personal and I do not wish to reveal the details of it but along with this suffering has come an unbelievable dryness, and almost complete drought in my prayer life and a true deep crisis in my faith. This is the greatest suffering I have ever endured and the greatest pain I have ever felt in my life. It is not physical pain but deep emotional pain. I feel so alone, so cold and so dark in this suffering and I am constantly searching for the light, His light again. I have lost all the strength I have had and I cry out to Lord every day begging for his help. This pain began a little over 3 months ago and far exceeds even the pain I endured 10 years ago when I buried my own child. I pray for help and I humbly ask for your prayers too. Thank you. Jesus, I trust in you my friend. Amen.
Andy 3, My prayers for you this day and future days. I too have felt this. Abandonment. If it is at all possible, try to your best ability to read the book of Job. I didn't think this nightmare would ever end for me. I know it is not what you want to hear, but sometimes God does these thing for reasons our simple minds cannot understand in the moment. He broke my will, and now it is his will. Live each day at a time to the best you can, ask your guardian angel to help you when you can't.
Andy, your post touched me so much. I can feel your deep sorrow. I don't have the words to alleviate your pain but I promise that my earnest prayers will be offered for your release from this darkness that you are encountering. Even if it doesn't feel like it now, this will pass. God loves you so much!
Jesus and Mary please help Andy. Please give him a sign of encouragement if this suffering is for a purpose no one can see yet. Please give him peace.
Praying for you Andy! Try to remember that our home is ahead in Heaven, and we just need to get through this hard life which goes so fast.
Everyone above has expressed my thoughts for you, Andy. "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever." from Psalm 23 Also, someone suggested reading the Book of Job. At the very end of the Book of Job, the Lord blesses the latter end of Job's life more than his beginning. When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Your redemption draweth nigh! Prayers for your intentions.
I am so sorry to hear this Andy. My own Spiritual Director used to ask me to pray to the Holy Spirit for light in times of Darkness, I recommend this. I hope you have someone to turn to at this time; hopefully a good , Holy and wise priest or anyone at all who gives a kind and listening ear. I wish often I had a great magic wand to clear all the sufferings of the world away. But I have not. I have prayer the next best thing to a magic wand, maybe better and I am starting to wave it for you Andy. If you can nothing else sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and try to get to mass everyday even if you don't feel like it.
A psalm for you Andy. Psalm 42 1 As a deer yearns for running streams, so I yearn for you, my God. 2 I thirst for God, the living God; when shall I go to see the face of God? 3 I have no food but tears day and night, as all day long I am taunted, 'Where is your God?' 4 This I remember as I pour out my heart, how I used to pass under the roof of the Most High used to go to the house of God, among cries of joy and praise, the sound of the feast. 5 Why be so downcast, why all these sighs? Hope in God! I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God. 6 When I am downcast I think of you: from the land of Jordan and Hermon, I think of you, humble mountain. 7 Deep is calling to deep by the roar of your cataracts; all your waves and breakers have rolled over me. 8 In the daytime God sends his faithful love, and even at night; the song it inspires in me is a prayer to my living God. 9 I shall say to God, my rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go around in mourning, harassed by the enemy?' 10 With death in my bones, my enemies taunt me, all day long they ask me, 'Where is your God?' 11 Why so downcast, why all these sighs? Hope in God! I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God. Psalm 43 1 Judge me, God, defend my cause against a people who have no faithful love; from those who are treacherous and unjust, rescue me. 2 For you are the God of my strength; why abandon me? Why must I go around in mourning, harrassed by the enemy? 3 Send out your light and your truth; they shall be my guide, to lead me to your holy mountain to the place where you dwell. 4 Then I shall go to the altar of God, to the God of my joy. I will rejoice and praise you on the harp, O God, my God. 5 Why so downcast, why all these sighs? Hope in God! I will praise him still, my Saviour, my God.
I was racking my mind last night thinking if there was any advice I could give to anyone who is going through the Spiritual Mill and the things that helped me in the Darkest Hours and to pass these on. Well the first I think is to have a true Spiritual Father or Soul Friend to turn too every now and then. I remember I used to get the bus every now and then down to the country to see him and what a relief that was!! Of course the Darkness set right on in walking back down the driveway of the monastery but at least it was a light behind the clouds. It is not simply for wise advice; just to have someone who simply listens and believes in you. I genuinely at the time was that bad I thought I was going insane . Just to have someone who believed and listened was enough.
I think the second thing is, as regards prayer and the spiritual life is to be prepared to change and to stay the same. In other words be prepared to let the Holy Spirit blow you were He will. In some things He will confirm some things and in others change things right on over. We must be prepared for His leading. A good for instance is daily mass which should be at the very centre of all we do and are. This should never ever change. But it may be we will be drawn to different Churches, differing times, differing preachers, more openess ot the Gospels , more time or less time before and after mass and so on. A good example in my own life was prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I used to pray several hours a day in Church, but after I left the busy monastery I had no time anyway, but I found praying walking the dogs in lonely places and praying all the time at work a great help. In any event if the Holy Spirit is giving us a good hard swift kick up the ass to change. We'd batter change. He's not kicking us for nothing.
