Last week, around the Anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun, I started developing a better prayerful conversation with Our Lady and overcoming a lot of the problems I've been having in the past. Last night I stumbled a bit (though thankfully not into mortal sin.) but it helped me see a few more aspects of my issues that I didn't yet comprehend. On top of that, I forgot that today is the Feast of Saint Issac Jogues, everyone here knows that I have a huge devotion to the Canadian Martyrs; I pray almost everyday to have a zeal like theirs, and while I do not seek martyrdom, I pray that if a time ever came, I'd be ready and willing to lay down my life for the Truth. However, due to everything that's happening above, I'm now sensing that there is something about Martyrdom and the zeal of the Canadian Martyrs, that I have missed or have not yet fully understood. I'm hoping that I can find out what this through the conversation I'm having with Our Lady. Please pray that this conversation continues to unfold.
If you practise little martyrdoms this will be good practise in preparation for the real thing should God call you to such a glorious end. Remember also that there other kinds of martydoms apart from the shedding of blood. https://aleteia.org/2017/10/31/3-types-of-martyrdom-that-lead-to-a-heavenly-reward/
I think it is always good to doubt ourselves a little in regard to martyrdom. We are so totally dependent on the grace of God. In Ancient Rome many, many Catholics turned Apostate when put the test. I hope God will grant me the grace to stand firm when the time comes. But my confidence is in God, not myself.
Now is certainly the time to accumulate as much grace as possible, to pray and meditate constantly, it certainly looks like at least a green or white martyrdom is coming for us: Our Lady of Grace, Queen of Martyrs, pray for us!
