Have you ever sat on a train and watched another train go bye? It can easliy give the impresion we ourselves our going backwards. I think in the spiritual life there can often be the impression that with sinking stomache we find ourselves wondering if instead of going forward towards the heavely Jeruslem we might in fact be going backwards towards Darkness. Years ago for instance I was much , much more pious than I am now. I used to haunt Churches were I would sit praying for long periods. Read the lives of the saints constantly , the rosary was never out of my hands , I had a regular spiritual director and of course in the years I was in the monastery it was a merry go round of prayer. Nowadays my life seems to revolve around my Firday nights drinkg with with the boys , camping and walks with the dog. Whereas one to an observer it would be clear I was following a clear spriitual path nowadays it would not be clear at all. So little wonder if the trains eems to be going backwards rather than forwards.
I remember when I was 16 on Retreat reading St Teresa of Avila's, 'Spiritual Mansions' for the first time. In this wonderful book on prayer the great saint and Doctor of the Church setting forth seven mansions of pray thorugh which the soul passed on the way to the heart of God. Prayer itself was the sign posts that we were on the right track and were int ruth going forward. So being 16 I set myself a target. I would advance through one of the prayer mansions every month and so in seven months time I would be in the seventh mansion, spiritual mansion and lo and behold a great saint. Looking back on it I know this would cause a horse to laugh but you know I wonder if it is not to far removed from what many of us think about the spiritual life. THat our eyes trun to self rather than God, in how we are in relation to God rather than iin how God is in relation to us. For you know know God is the sun and it is us who must revolve aroud Him rahter than He who must revolve around us. That it is all about Him rather than all about us. St Phillip Neri wrote one time that his pride would die half and hour after he did. So being sinners I think there is always a little of that 16 year old boy who wnated to be a saint in sevn oths , not for God's sake but for our own. But I think it is the winds and hardness of life itself that tend to knock the edges off and cause us simply to turn more and more to surrender this need for sign posts and turn more and more to throw ourselves into the arms of Jesus in a simple need of mercy. There is a mountain I sometimes climb which gets so steep and were the winds can be strong that at teh alst stretch before ths ummit I sometimes have to get down on my kees and crawl. I think life can be like this, forcing us to our knees and take our nose to the ground and simply crawl a step at a time and just hope to reach the end of it. No time to stand and look around, just the knees and crawling.
I think we must all experience these Dark Nights of Fiath to some extent to see that the little planets of our hearts must revolve around God , rather than He, us. I have noted the workings of thsi Dark Night of Faith most especially in the dying. The death of St Therese of Leseaux is I believe such a very good example of this. For Therese God effectively ceased to exist at some ver deep level. She followed for a long period not so much God but the idea of God, God,s distant shadow so to speak. So she asked her medicines to be kept far from her in case she committed suicide. She went to a palce in mountain were there was no longer any sky, no longer any sun only high winds and head down crawling.
At the end of the day , I believe in the Spiritual Life god wishes us to travel to a place where we no longer carry God but to somewhere in the Desert where God carries us. To the desrt experience St Paul speaks of where we rejoice not in our own rightoeusness but in God's mercy, that were we ar emost week God might be most strong: 2 Corinthians 12:10 Paul's Thorn and God's Grace …9And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. In the desert the Hebrews were guided firstly by a a Pillar of Fire by night and smoke by day. But it was never the intention of God that these great Signs remain forever. Eventually it was His intent that they walk by Fiath. So it is with the Spiritual Life. It is God's intent that we look not to Great Sings but the that the Deasrt of Fiath itself be our Sign. That no Sign at all be our Sign. That we become little enoguh to be carried by God in His arms. This wa sperhaps why Moses never crossed the Jordanto the Promised Land, he just never became small enough to be carried.
I think this is one of the reasons why I have grown to esteem marriage so highly in the Spiritual Path. To me it seems to embody this process of turning the eyes inwards towards self but outwards towards others and so towards God. Many years ago when I was very young a country song came out called, 'No charge.' The story tells of a young boy who is asked to do some shores by his mother and presents his mother with a bill for all the things he has done for her. The mother in her turn presents the child with a list of things she has done, then canelss the bill and says, 'No charge'. To my surprise when Iasked my mother about this song she becaome angry. She told me that no one forced her to have chidlren it was her own choice and that I was never to think I owed her anything. I always think this was such a good example fo teh eyes turned outwards to giveng, to God, rather than inwards to ourselves. To a place were the only marker is that we God , in His Great Mercy carries us, His children. Psalm 123:2 As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a female slave look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy.
Matthew 18:3 And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Could not, not reply to such profound teachings. Very beautiful, wise and edifying. And the picture of Jesus above, carrying the small child is both down to earth and heavenly in the Love it portrays. God bless you and all here. Amen
Wonderful post Padraig. I am struggling at the moment so good to read this and reflect that the way is not easy. We walk in the shadows of faith. I have often experience the garden of Gethsemane in my life for some reason my mind is easily disturbed and sensitive to so many things so I so sympathise with our Lord alone in that garden. I stumble along though with Him even though too it sometimes feels that the whole thing is a fairy tale as God feels so far away in the world in which we live. No wonder so few believe as the whole culture is satiated by self, glitter and tinsel. But faith is the same as trust so I continue to trust despite walking in the valley of the shadows. One step at a time.
Perhaps the spiritual path is not so clear and precise. God is truly present in the mundane and humdrum of our daily existence. He is present in the rhythm of our personal lives as long as we conform to His will. At first we seek pathways and signposts in the desert. But finally we see that the desert is itself the pathway, the sign..
God chooses for us the Cross that we would least choose for ourselves, for the Cross that we would least choose is the Cross that will most surely lead us to our Ressurection. The Cross that will most help us in inner healing and growth.
At first we seek pathways and signposts in the desert. But finally we see that the desert is itself the pathway, the sign.. This makes so much sense to me. Thanks for this amazing insight, Padraig. When we have peace and joy in the desert experience we know we are on the right path. There are no signposts, pathways, runways or lights to guide our path rather the desert itself is the path by which we must travel. There is little consolation on the desert path only a profound sense of abandonment and surrender to the Divine.
Thanks for these deep thoughts. I've been thinking a lot lately about my vocation in life- as a husband and a father. My daughter and her husband are struggling in their married life right now - please pray for them. It got me thinking about my marriage and how in the beginning years I think I was quite selfish and perhaps not truly ready for it. Thank God, my wife is such a holy and loving woman who I think suffered those years and prayed. I was a spiritual ass! But it provided me a lesson I think on our relationship with God. You see, I dud not want my old single self to "die". I thought I could be the same but when you marry or when you get into a deeper relationship with God, you must truly die to yourself and give your will over to the other. Now in human relationships like marriage it's not akways easy- and yes one side can be hurtful and maybe even abusive. But, as I learned and thankfully after 29 years of marriage, I have been able to die a bit to my self (I'm a sinner so not completely there yet!). But in our relationship with God, we don't have to "worry" about our partner. Our God loves us unconditionally so we can die to ourselves and trust in him. I think in the end, this is ultimately what makes us saints- again, we are not perfect and most will not do this fully, but I trust if this is our intention and we keep moving forward ( even if the train goes backwards sometimes) then God in his mercy and loves runs to meet us like the Father did with the Prodigal Son. I also must say that with my vocation as a dad, it allows me to see perhaps very dimly how God, Our Father, sees us as his children. When my kids are in spiritual and emotional pain, I can't tell you how much that hurts me and how much I want to intervene to "fix it". And at times, we can do little things without them evening knowing to help. But often we can't and also know they need to go through the pain. But, as a Dad, I'm with them - loving them, praying for them, and hurting for them. At these times, all I can say to them is I'm here, but you need to go to your real Father. He has only "lent" you to me and yes he holds me accountable for you- so go to Him as He has the answers and you are His Child. So, it's a gift to be a dad- it gives me insights on my Dad - God- who loves me. And yes, while he can do all things, he sometimes choses to let me try but He knows my joys, sufferings and pains and He loves me unconditionally. How awesome is that!
Yes ..... when all is confusion, pain and chaos ... the message of The Passion, The Cross and The Divine Mercy will sustain us! GOD SUSTAIN ALL HERE!!
One step closer to sainthood.... Saint Miker...i think you found the magic. God Bless you and your family Brother al
Jesus once showed me a long, dark tunnel with a brilliant light shining at the end of the tunnel. I knew I would have to walk in this darkness for a long way to reach the light at the end. He told me, "My Sacred Heart is the Light at the end of the tunnel. Keep focused on me." When we keep our eyes focused on Jesus, even in the darkness of our souls, we will never go backwards - only towards the Light. I also sometimes feel that I am not as zealous as I was at the beginning of my conversion into the Catholic Church, but then I remember that tunnel and what Jesus told me, and I realize I am still in that long dark tunnel, but as long as I desire to be in that Light, He will always accept the desire of my heart - and yours. He knows our weaknesses and accepts them as long as we offer them from our hearts.
Read the rest at the link, something we all need to be on guard against. THE THREE AGES OF THE INTERIOR LIFE Prelude of Eternal Life by Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, O.P. http://www.christianperfection.info/tta49.php PART 2 - The Purification of the Soul in Beginners (cont) Ch 37: Retarded Souls At the beginning of the third part of this work, we shall speak of the second conversion through which one passes, with greater or lesser generosity, from the purgative way of beginners to the illuminative way of the advanced. Some souls, because of their negligence or spiritual sloth, do not pass from the age of beginners to that of proficients. These are retarded souls; in the spiritual life they are like abnormal children, who do not happily pass through the crisis of adolescence and who, though they do not remain children, never reach the full development of maturity. Thus these retarded souls belong neither among beginners nor among proficients. Unfortunately they are numerous. Of these retarded souls, some who formerly served God with fidelity are now in a state bordering on indifference. Though in the past they knew true spiritual fervor, we may say without fear of rash judgment that they seriously misused divine graces. Had it not been for this misuse, as a matter of fact the Lord would have continued what He had begun in them, for He does not refuse His help to those who do what is in their power to obtain it. How did these souls reach this state of tepidity? As a rule, two principal causes are indicated: the neglect of little things in the service of God and the refusal to make the sacrifices He asks. THE NEGLECT OF LITTLE THINGS The neglect of little things seems slight in itself, but it may become grave in its results. Our daily merit is ordinarily constituted by little acts of virtue from morning to night. As drops of water gradually wear away a stone, as drops of rain render the dried-up earth fertile, so our good acts by their repetition engender a good habit, an acquired virtue; they preserve it and increase it; and, if they proceed from a supernatural or infused virtue, they obtain the increase of this virtue. In the service of God, things which seem small in themselves are great in their relation to our last end, to God who should be loved , above all else. They are also great by reason of the supernatural spirit of faith, confidence, and love which should make us accomplish them. If we acted thus, we would live from morning to night in the presence of God, which is infinitely precious; and we would live by Him, by His spirit, instead of living by the natural spirit in accordance with the inclination of egoism. Little by little there would grow up in us zeal for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. Unless we strive in this way, we may end by following the downward path of practical naturalism, allowing ourselves to be dominated by the more or less unconscious gross selfishness which inspires many of our acts. The neglect of little things in the service of God leads rapidly to neglect of great things: for example, in the case of a priest or religious, it leads to the recitation of the Office without true piety, to scarcely any preparation for Mass, to saying Mass hastily or assisting at it without the requisite attention, to replacing thanksgiving by the obligatory recitation of a part of the Office, so that all personal piety disappears and gradually gives place to piety that is, in a way, official and exterior. If a priest were to follow this downward path, he would little by little become a mere functionary of God. He would end by treating holy things with carelessness, whereas, on the other hand, he would perhaps acquit himself with the utmost seriousness in those duties which assure his reputation as a professor, writer, lecturer, or man of affairs. Gradually emphasis would be shifted from what is of greatest moment in life to what is secondary. The holy Sacrifice of the Mass, which perpetuates in substance on our altars the sacrifice of the cross and applies its fruits to us, is evidently the most serious and greatest thing in life for the priest and the true Christian. A Mass well celebrated or well heard with a spirit of faith is far superior to our personal activity; it orientates this activity toward its true supernatural end and renders it fruitful. On the contrary, we swerve from this end when we reach the stage of seeking self in our activity, to the point of forgetting the salvation of souls and all that it demands on our part. Neglect of little things in the service of God may lead us to this forgetfulness, which renders everything unfruitful. We read, on the contrary, in St. Luke: "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in that which is greater." (1) Whoever is daily faithful to the smallest duties of Christian life, or to those of the religious life, will receive the grace to be faithful even to martyrdom, if he should have to bear witness to God in his blood. Then will be fully accomplished in him the words of the Gospel: "Well done, good and faithful servant; because thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will place thee over many things. Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord." (2) But whoever habitually neglects little things in the service of God, will end by neglecting great ones. How, then, will he accomplish the difficult acts that may be required of him? THE REFUSAL OF SACRIFICES ASKED A second cause of tepidity in retarded souls is the refusal to make the sacrifices which the Lord asks. Some persons feel themselves called to a more serious, a more perfect life, to true prayer, to the practice of humility, without which there are no true virtues; but these souls refuse, if not directly at least indirectly, by seeking diversion. They do not wish to hear the words that recur daily in the invitatory of Matins: "Today, if you shall hear His voice, harden not your hearts." Some, who are preoccupied with doing something, for example, a book, a work that would let the world know they exist, say to themselves from time to time: "First of all, it is essential to become an interior soul; if the soul is empty, it can give nothing. To do something exterior is unprofitable unless the soul is united to God." To become an interior soul, only some sacrifices of self-love would be necessary; God would have to be truly sought instead of self. Without these sacrifices, how can anyone enter on a true interior life? If these sacrifices are refused, the soul remains retarded; it may stay so permanently. Then it loses zeal for the glory of God and the salvation of its neighbor, the fervor of charity. It falls into tepidity, which, with habitual negligence, is affection for venial sin or the disposition of the will to commit certain venial sins deliberately when the occasion presents itself. There is finally, as it were, the firm resolution to remain in this state. In addition to the lack of the spirit of sacrifice, other causes may produce this tepidity of retarded souls: namely, levity of spirit, the thoughtlessness with which one tells, for example, officious lies (i.e., lies of expediency) whenever the occasion offers; spiritual sloth, which leads finally to the abandonment of the spiritual war against our defects, against our predominant fault, which quite frequently tries to pass for a virtue, and gives rise in us to other more or less inordinate passions. A person thus arrives at carelessness and indifference in regard to perfection and no longer truly tends toward it. The fact that he has perhaps promised to tend toward it by the way of the counsels is forgotten, as is also the loftiness of the supreme precept: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart and with thy whole soul and with all thy strength and with all thy mind." (3)
