My struggles to understand ‘Trust’ in God through prayer and study When I received Holy Communion, I said to Him, “Jesus, I thought about You so many times last night,” and Jesus answered me, And I thought of you before I called you into being. “Jesus, in what way were You thinking about me?” In terms of admitting you to My eternal happiness. After these words, my soul was flooded with the love of God. I could not stop marveling at how much God loves us.(Faustina’s diary 1292) I believe that the ‘private revelations’ of the mystics can be very helpful for Christians to grow in understanding of God’s love. Those that are approved by the church have been scrutinized closely before they are approved. For instance, the St. Faustian revelations were at one time repressed, due to errors in translations. It was St. John Paul the second who reopened her case and encouraged the faithful to read her. It, of course, is dealing with the mercy of God. It is not an easy attribute of God to understand since the Church is still on the road to growing in understanding of the depth of God’s mercy for mankind. These revelations do not add to the Public Revelation of the scriptures but can give new insights and emphasis. There is a paradox for those who seek God and understand their need for grace, no matter what tradition they follow. For God responds to those who seek and in order to draw them deeper into His embrace, it is imperative that we grow in self-knowledge, which is not an easy journey. The ego will often hide from the darker realms that exist within each soul. Repression has its uses, for there are aspects of ourselves that if they came to full light would lead us to despair. So the Lord in his mercy and his deep knowing what each soul needs, only brings to light what can be tolerated, though not without pain. For mercy can only be received at the level that we understand our need for healing, as well as for the harm and yes evil we have committed against others, as well as towards ourselves. We can be very sensitive when we are treated in an unjust manner but may be unable to see what we do to others, for we always have a good excuse I believe….or I do. I am speaking of course about myself, more than others. I struggle with the idea of God’s love and infinite mercy. In my mind, when I try to figure it out I become confused and I am tempted to unbelief since unconditional love is not something I have ever experienced. It seems impossible, or too good to be true, etc. Yet the Lord through the mystics is constantly trying to redirect our fear towards trust and love. The paradox is that in order to lead us deeper into trust, the Holy Spirit has to reveal to us (me) the truth about my need for mercy and healing. It is only love that can heal the inner pain, sorrow and yes rage that lurks ln the souls of many men and women. When I meditate on the passion and remember that Jesus died for each unique human being, it is then that I begin to understand that it is my own inner rage that lashed Jesus, and mocked Him with the crown of thorns and in a rage nailed him to the cross. I find this hard to sustain. I tend to think of myself as one among billions, unnoticed, yet with God, there is only each ‘me’ as if that ‘Thou’ was his only child. I don’t get it, but pray and work on it and wonder when my heart will break open. I really do want to breathe, but at this time of my life, I still gasp along. When I think of the mercy of God, at times I feel nothing. When I think of the passion, I fall asleep, I can find God boring and find it hard to pray. I guess that is why I use beads so much, it gives me a track to follow when I pray, a way to settle down and to just ‘trust’ that God is present. Yet amidst my poverty and yes my still love of ‘sin’, of my own way to deal with my pain, that never works…Yet I still trust in God’s love for me. All these years, with my stumbling, getting up, wandering off, coldness and indifference, yet the grace of God has seen me through. Perhaps that is where I need to experience God’s love, in his faithfulness towards me who is not always faithful. When I am at my worst or feel alienated from God and others, it is then that I am called to open my heart in trust and abandonment to the Divine Lover of my soul. When self-knowledge continues to grow, prayer changes, oneness become a reality, where others are also incorporated in one’s embrace of God….none of us journeys alone, we are connected to many and in our struggles and prayers, we support one another.
Your post is very sad Mark. It is like you don't realise all you need to know is who you are. Well, I think each of us is the prodigal son. Now we all know the prodigal son took his share of the inheritance and squandered it on what took his fancy until he was at the point of death by starvation. Only then did he return to his father. And his sins were forgotten by his father who was so happy to be reconciled with his son. For us we go about our merry way in life, squandering the Heavenly inheritance until we finally wake up, and realise we would be better off and safer under the protection of our Heavenly Father. And we don't need to be surprised He was waiting for us all along, and welcomes us with open arms when we return to Him. And our elder brother Jesus unlike the elder brother in the Gospel, went into that foreign land and purchased His prodigal brothers freedom from the clutches of the evil one who was hell bent on killing all of us. Jesus did not give up even in the face of death. He has proved His love, so trusting Him is acknowledging what He has already accomplished. There is no way our limited understanding can fathom the courage, bravery, faithfulness with which Jesus carried out the mystery of Redemption for all of us prodigal sons and daughters of God. And I am convinced an eternity is the only time frame that could possibly afford us time enough to thank Him, for all that He did and suffered to Rescue us in our plight. For surely we would never have the courage to do this for ourselves. To a brutal torture followed by certain death nailed to a cross, who could endure so much. But Jesus did, and God restored His life, to bring us to understand to some degree what His Love is all about. Yes, it is beyond our understanding. We are just asked to believe and be happy to know we are loved more than we are capable of understanding while we are in exile. And Jesus even instituted the Sacraments so we could clean up our act and be ready if possible to make an instant entry to Heaven when our time here in exile is over. WOW
Unconditional love is something I understand through all my children. Our Father in heaven has shown me through my children that I have no partiality in my love towards all of them and love them all the same. Knowing that not all my children seek God in the same capacity, same thirst or same desire, I nonetheless love them all the same. This however, does not say that I am equally pleased with them. Surely, the ones you can see living the faith more profoundly are more blessed and I rejoice in knowing that God is blessed and pleased by their efforts and faithfulness. I believe this is the unconditional love God has for us his children. His love is the same for all, but he is exulted when his children reciprocate this love.
Little children don't fret too much in the presence of their mother or father. They just rest in their arms and look into the eyes of love.
Not sad, sort of a map that I have trodded for a very long time ;-). No, I have no idea who I am, for only Christ has my true name that one day I will know. Thank you for your thougtful post. Peace Mark
The following is my favorite passage in the New Testament; it speaks of the transformation of one person, but the truth of that story obviously impacted Luke. Thanks be to the Holy Spirit for inspiring Luke to include it in his gospel so that it can impact us as well. 36 Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee's house, and sat down to eat. 37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, "This man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner." 40 And Jesus answered and said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." So he said, "Teacher, say it." 41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?" 43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more." And He said to him, "You have rightly judged." 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." 48 Then He said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." 49 And those who sat at the table with Him began to say to themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?" 50 Then He said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." Without saying so directly, the story necessitates that this woman in the city who was a sinner had her heart melted by the mercy of Jesus before she entered the home of the Pharisee. The demonstration of her love proves this. Verse 47 is not saying that her sins were forgiven due to her great love, but that her great love shows that she had already experienced forgiveness in her heart. The parable of the debtor and creditors in verses 41-43 confirm this. This offer of personal attention by Jesus has been extended to us all. Let us not be like the Pharisee (to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little); rather, let us be like the woman who so humbly and generously responded. This passage also reminds me of the beautiful gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The woman's process of repentance, her experience of forgiveness, and her public act of penance, culminates in the assurance of Christ: "Your sins are forgiven...Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." May we not simply cringe when confronted by our sins, but flee to Jesus Who never refuses to forgive!
Amen my friend, the last sentence sums it all up. Nothling should keep us from praying. God's mercy is beyond our comprehenslion, He knows all and sees all, that is a consolation not something to generate fear. We see little, know little,that is why it is easy to be harsh and without mercy..... Peace Mark
I am reading this in the wee hours of the morning and I have read it twice and will probably read it again. The mercy of God is interwoven into my whole life. I really am like the soul in Amazing Grace: "...how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me" and I particularly like your words on God's faithfulness. I have often let go of him but He has never let go of me. As Mario says our children teach us so poignantly about the Father's unconditional love. If I who am such a sinner love my children in this deep constant and faithful love how incomprehensible then must God's love be for us!!
