I have a fear that this darkness wont end, that it is a punishment. I keep going to mass and saying the divine mercy and rosary. I also say prayers that we hear at mass. I hope God can lead me out of this darkness. I also pray to Our Lady alot.
I prayed for you at Mass Peter and on the way home and I thought of a friend of mine who suffers insomnia and has for years. Day in and day out. It affects her whole life. She has begged God to deliver her from it. But on it goes. She sets her will and goes forward with no consolations. And then I thought of you going through this continuing trial and I felt that Jesus brought to my mind His Words for Paul when Paul begged him three times to remove the" thorn" from him. But Jesus said no. He told Paul that it was His own strength that would keep Paul going. That "in weakness power is perfected." Or in the Living Bible translation: "Don't worry. I(Jesus)am enough for you. I show up best in weak people." He has chosen this cross for you it seems. Perhaps it is protecting you in this suffering. I can't pretend to know. But I do know Jesus tells us "fear is useless. What is needed is trust." If only you could just ":set your face like flint" and rebuke these dark feelings. They are not of God even though He is permitting these temptations. You are building spiritual muscle by resisting them and continuing to pray and to receive the sacraments. If only you could will yourself away from these feelings and hold on to the Rock of our faith which tells us that in spite of our fears and feelings the Truth is the truth. You are forgiven. Dredging up guilt about the past that has been dealt with in confession is giving in to scrupulousness. God is love. His forgiveness is absolute Truth. I really hope you can simply surrender all of this and trust Jesus! I am praying for it.
I dabbled in the occult as a teenager and it left a wound. I hope Jesus and Mary can help me. Perhaps all this suffering is helping souls.
You will come out the other side of it strong in discernment and able to help teenagers who are about to enter the hell you've been through. All this suffering has great purpose Peter. I am sure of it.
I hope so AED. I am experiencing terrible darkness and see no way out. Maybe God wishes for me to be this way for the moment.
St. John Chrysostom’s Deliverance Prayer O, Eternal God, You who have redeemed the race of men from the captivity of the Devil, deliver me, Your servant, from al the workings of unclean spirits. Command the evil and impure spirits and demons to depart from the soul and body of Your servant and not to remain nor hide in me. Let them be banished from me, the creation of Your hands, in Your own holy name, and that of Your only-begotten Son, and of Your life-creating Spirit, so that, after being cleansed from all demonic influence, I may live godly, justly, and righteously and may be counted worthy to receive the Holy Mysteries of Your only-begotten Son and our God, with whom You are blessed and glorified, together with the all-holy and good and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.
Remedy against the “spirits of darkness” and the forces of hatred and fear. AUGUST Queen of Heaven, Sovereign Mistress of the Angels, thou, who from the beginning hast received from God the power of the mission to crush the head of Satan, we humbly implore thee, to send thy holy legions so that under thy command and by thy power, they may drive the devils away, everywhere, fight them, subduing their boldness and thrust them down into the abyss. Who is like unto God? O good and tender Mother, thou willst always be our love and our hope. O divine Mother, send Thy holy angels to defend me and drive far away from me the cruel enemy. Holy Angels and Archangels defend us, keep us. Indulgenced prayer. St. Pius X on 8 July 1908. Original text from the prayer dedicated by our Lady to Fr. Cestac on 13 January 1864. It Is recommended to learn it by heart.
Sanctus, when my oldest daughter was a young adult and living on her own while attending college, she had a similar experience. She was not living her Catholic faith and was making some really dangerous choices. One morning at dawn, a black misty creature started kicking her bed and floated out from underneath it. She was fully awake and tried to grab it but her hands went through it. Just as she was about to die of fright, a hooded monk in his robes and rosary at his side raised his hands over her at the foot of the bed and blessed her. The creature instantly disappeared. She moved home after this. When my husband and I helped to set up her apartment, we placed a blessed medal of Padre Pio between her mattresses. I am positive that God allowed Padre Pio to come to her aid. God hears your prayers and sent you heavenly help. What a blessing! Keep persevering and don't let the temptations of satan to doubt how much Our Lord loves you disturb you. I find a simple. "Yep, I'm a sinner but God's love is greater than my sins" sends the accuser off looking for more fertile ground. I'm not making light of this horrible assault but say this with confidence a thousand times a day to prove it to yourself. You have my prayers, Sanctus.
Thanks dmjoforegon. Something keeps trying to impress on my mind that I am evil or a bad person. I dont want to be evil even if I am.
