I'm in hospital because I feel terrible darkness and cant see a way ot if it. I must trust that God is with me
Ok Sanctus. You may be suffering from Clinical Depression. I suffered from it and someone very close to me. There is most certainly a way out of it, although it does not appear so at the time. Try to remember that 'all things are passing'. I will send you a personal message.
Peter. Perhaps it would be good to read and reflect on Psalm 22. As you may know, Jesus as he is on the Cross says the beginning of this psalm … “ my God, my God, why had thou forsaken me?” But the full Psalm 22 is one of hope because Jesus knows he not forever separated from His Father. and it’s the same for you and for each one of us. I read an article on this sense of abandonment that we all have at one time or another… what you experience. I thought this was very helpful .. Though you may feel abandoned by God, you are no more abandoned than was Jesus. Though you may feel forsaken, forgotten, neglected, and overlooked, these things are no more true of you than they were of Jesus. Though you may feel unloved, this is no more true of you than it was for Jesus. Though Jesus cried out, “Why have you forsaken me?” He was NOT forsaken. And neither are we. peace to you Peter.
Dear Sanctus, all here are giving you wonderful, soul-enriching words of hope and wisdom. Adopt these and make them your own, whether or not you "feel successful" at doing this. Just keep persevering in your pursuit of peace. Mark Mallett's new writing should let you know that you are surely not alone. Peace be with you, Sanctus. (You can find the entire post at this link https://www.markmallett.com/blog/the-great-refuge-and-safe-harbour/ COME, O DISCOURAGED SINNER… To you who are striving to be good, and yet fall and fall, denying Him as Peter denied Him,[4] He says: Do not be absorbed in your misery—you are still too weak to speak of it—but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued with My sentiments. —Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1486 With the same mercy and confidence He showed in Peter after his denial, Jesus says to you now: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy. —Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1488 He cries, See how little you are! Be humbled by your weakness and inability to do much good. See, you are like a little child… a child who needs his Papa. So come to Me… As for me in my poverty and pain, let your help, O God, lift me up. (Psalm 69:3) COME, O FEARFUL SINNER… To you who feel that your sinfulness has depleted the mercies of God,[5] He says… The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons. —Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1485 To you who are afraid to approach Him yet again with the same sins, the same weaknesses, He replies: Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy… fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. —Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 1488 This is the one whom I approve: the lowly and broken man who trembles at my word. (Isaiah 66:2) My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. —Jesus to St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary, n. 367
I feel I am evil or cursed. I feel something is attacking me. I feel I am a bad person. Nothing seems to help. I am in a very dark place and don't know how to get out of it.
You are not more evil than anyone else. You have confessed your sins and are in a state of grace. Feelings are not to be trusted. Hold onto what you know. You are forgiven. You are saved. You are a child of God. Fact. Not feeling. Clinical depression can darken everything Peter. I pray the MDs can find the right combination of meds. I also think--my strong opinion-- you should ask for a priest to anoint you just in case there is something attacking. A two pronged approach. Do not give in to despair!!!! There IS a way out. Our Blessed Lady is there. If all you can say in this dark storm is "Jesus Mary" keep saying those holy names. Over and over.
This is awesome advice, and Sanctus, it's something you can do. Let those waves just roll over while saying those holy names, over and over again. The storm may not calm all at once, but the safe harbour will eventually come into view. Hold tightly to the rosary, literally, just hold it in your hand and remember that it's like holding Our Lady's hand. Just thanking her for holding your hand during this trial would be a mighty prayer in itself. God bless you ~
AED is right, this sounds like a medical problem to me, Sanctus. If your serotonin levels get low in your brain you feel absolutely horrible, like you don’t even have the will to move. I take 5-HTP regularly to help with mood (it’s a natural serotonin precursor that’s available over the counter and doesn’t have any side effects). Sounds silly but it’s helped me a lot. Prayers.
Is it possible you have entered the dark night of the soul? All sense experience and consolation is removed as a deeper form of faith and prayer comes, along with doubt and greater temptations on the absence of God. Or it is effecting you more then spiritually? Are you sleeping,eating working? Have you met with a priest?
Hi carmellite it is very unpleasant. I feel God is missing or is angry with me. I am also experiencing temptations. I keep telling Jesus that I love him. I hope.this horrible stuff passes.
Can you see a priest in the hospital? I do believe the sacrament of the sick would be very powerful for you.
