My witness. I don't know if I mentioned that we (my family and I) were persecuted on a daily basis for our faith. I was very ill at the time and was in and out of hospital, the children were very little. It went for six years on a daily basis. It was so bad that we only went out if it was an absolute necessity. In my heart I knew that I had come up against the idiot downstairs. The hate and the evil for no apparent reason were too much for it to be coming from humans alone. By the time we moved, we were all traumatized. We hadn't been living in our new home long, when my daughter (autism) ran away. She had just turned 16 but was very young, vulnerable and naive. She didn't just run from us, she ran from everyone, moving on between friends etc. I don't think she realized that she was trying to run from how she was feeling inside from it all. This was an awful time.. My whole world stopped, even to look at my children was very painful. I was shaking all the time; I had become so fearful of humans. My father had been a very violent man. Whilst growing up, many people who professed to be Catholics were very violent towards me. I have no idea why I had this effect on people. However, I am very fortunate in that I was given a great love for the bible from pre-school years. I believe very much that this was my Heavenly Father's great gift to me as He knew that I would need it, it is the reason for the miracle of my Catholic faith today. Anyway, when my daughter went missing, I developed a dreadful anxiety. I was shaking inside all the time, when I tried to pray, the shaking was worse. I trembled from within. This caused a great anguish, as even to pray (had become so fearful of people) caused me to shake. I would remain in the Church for a few hours every day sitting before the Blessed Sacrament in spite of the fear. During this horrendous time, I was in my dining room one time and I tried to pray, again, the shaking and the panic, full of fear. I was crying as I was praying. The next thing I knew. I felt Our Blessed Mother (this is quite humorous, as I had always been petrified of Mother Mary, I liked the idea of her,(from a distance) but was petrified of her because I had suffered cruelty at the hands of nuns. I am not in the business of running anyone down, we are all human. This is my experience. She wasn't wearing a veil; I didn't see her with my eyes or even with my own eyes, but with my heart. She had a new born baby in her arms. Without saying a word, she beckoned me to take the baby and to cradle Him in my arms. No words were needed; her heart spoke to mine, silently. Spiritually I took the child in my arms and held him as she said (again, no words) Pray to Him, for no one can be scared of a baby. I had a great sense of peace, I knew that I still had a long way to go as my spirit was crushed and my daughter was still missing. But I knew that Mother Mary was with me. All I had to do was to pray, and do my best not to sin, she would do the rest. I used to pray the rosary, but whenever I got too close, I would run, I hated intimacy. It scared me so much. I also found it very painful as my own past would merge with the mysteries.. It is funny, for I now love my rosary. And I remain in those mysteries with Christ and I allow His Cross and My cross to merge as we become one. At night, I was aware that my bedroom was full of fear. I would sense a great evil in the room. This made me more fearful, I would ask Mother Mary if I could sleep with my head on her lap. My whole life just kept flashing before my eyes. I am told this happens when one has a breakdown. It put me in mind of what it may be like when we all experience the great warning. Whilst all this was going on, I offered up my sorrow of losing my child to God the Father so that He could use the graces to get His children back to Him. I wondered at Him, here I was in pieces over one child. Although my first born is in Heaven. And here He was with so many children that He was broken-hearted over. I hear people say that God the Father doesn't feel pain or anything. I don't believe that, but He is different in that He doesn't respond from pain the way we do. God the Father speaks of His emotions and His jealous love, and His anger. These are all emotions. Sorry... am going on too long now, will cut it short... I would be in the Church for a third of the day. I didn't tithe money, I tithed my time. I sat with Christ in the Blessed Eucharist and asked Him all the questions I needed, I told Him everything, and I offered it all up... One time whilst sitting before Him I told Him that my faith as I knew it had gone, that everything I knew had gone, all the niceties, all the platitudes, none of it worked for me anymore. I had to come to a decision, so I told Him, You are there in the Blessed Sacrament, my whole body is crying out that you don't exist. But I know you do, because you walked the Earth and you told the truth and You ARE Truth. I just clung to Him. Then I saw my faith as I knew it break up into tiny pieces. I thought that is it, faith as I know it finished, but something happened, I watched (became aware, saw with eyes of heart) as it broke up into tiny little glass balls prism colour and it all scattered out from my insides. Seeds of faith for others. It was very strange. As I left the church and walked up the road I became very aware that I had been filled with so many graces that they were just spilling out onto the people that I passed. They were coming from the depths of my being.
I still had the awful attacks at night time, I couldn't sleep. I was broken hearted over my daughter, I missed her dreadfully. I cannot describe the grief, only a mother who has lost a child will know this grief. It is indescribable.. My experiences didn't and haven't ended there. While I was sitting in the Church gazing up at Christ's love for us, His face would turn around and look at the Father. This amazed me. While He was suffering, he would look compassionately on us whilst in agony and then turn His eyes to the Father to pray for us. This blew me away. I had a couple of particularly bad nights, where I just prayed and cried and trembled all night. I felt so awful that I wanted to call someone at 2am but I knew that this would be selfish, so I prayed and talked to God and Our Blessed Mother and reminisced the graces of Medjugorje in order to cope. Some nights, I could feel our Blessed Mother's presence. I gave everything to her. While I slept one night, I woke up in Purgatory. At first I thought I was in Hell. I could barely see where I was going, but I knew to get to the other side as the exit was there and it was less misty. It was like a swamp at first, I thought I was in dark marshy land. Then suddenly someone popped up for help, I thought they were trying to reach out to me, then I knew instinctively that it was someone behind me and they were the reason that I wasn't leaving Purgatory as quickly as I would like. I wanted to run for the exit and turned to say to the person who was behind me.. "Come On" Quick, let's get out of here. Only I turned at saw that it was Our Blessed Mother and she looked so joyful and was just gliding along (seemed like gliding as she is so graceful) I was in such a panic that I was begging her to hurry up so that I could get out of there, I didn't want to go without her, I was even using my hands to say "Come on, Come on, let's get out of here." But she was in no hurry. She would look at me and give me the most beautiful smile then stoop down to pick up some really delicate flowers. I didn't even see them there, suddenly, I could see these little delicate and rare flowers darted here and there. They were delicate, they represented our suffering, and these flowers were rare, because not many offer their sufferings to her. She would pick the flowers, smell them, and smiled and looked at me so lovingly and joyfully, then she threw them out to the Holy Souls. They turned into graces. During that period, I was leaving the Church one day after praying. When a man approached me. His face was what I would call scrubbed clean. I now know to call it a Holy Countenance. He asked me to pray for his intentions. Nothing unusual about this except he had a brown suit on, it looked brand new, but was outdated. What struck me about this man was his humility. And i thought, oh my gosh, I have nothing, and you so humble and such a lovely face, ask me for prayers. I said of course I will. I thought to myself, I don't need to know your name, and I turned to walk away. He told me that his name was Michael. And then he disappeared, looked like walked down the road, but when I turned away he had gone. I told these things to a good holy Priest, he said that the dream was a revelation and that it sounded very much like a soul coming for prayer. I have never seen him again. I wondered at a soul, just I never got a surname, His humility humbled me, (and I didn’t think much about how others were thinking/feeling at that time as was lost in grief) and he asked me to pray for his intentions rather than pray for him. I don't know whether a soul or St Michael. He was tall, high cheek bones.. (well about 6 ft, slim build and dark hair going back) and very kind, gentle eyes. His humility still affects me till this day. This was not a dream, this happened. I had another dream also, one of the people who used to give us some problems (but on a lesser scale than the others) died after a car crash. She came to me in a dream, we spoke about how she died. Though she didn't want to talk about death. she kept trying to change the subject, she just wanted to thank me for my prayers. That was strange to say the least.
Thanks for sharing that Mary's Child - you have endured so much it is just incredible. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him, [Phillipians 1v29]
Is your daughter still missing? I can't even begin to imagine such pain.my family too suffered demonic attack but thank GOd we all still here. Your story is amazing. God bless Mary
thank you very much for sharing your testimony Mary's child. Your suffering has led to a foundation of rocks which your faith rests on.
Mary's Child you truly are Mary's child. She must have you right in her loving gaze. Thank you for your courage in posting your story and wanting to share with us. Your love is deep and true and timeless, so beautiful. No wonder you write the way you do, your compassion and love was hard earned. God bless you...thank you.
I see you wandering...and all the wonderful signposts...such a gift to not despair. Thank you for sharing. I pray things are better in your life. Our Mother is so tender and gentle and thoughtful! You must be very special for our Lord to allow you to suffer for Him so much!
Mary's Chld, I will carry your daughter in my heart daily for the next month. I'm thankful you shared your Way of the Cross! God bless you and us all! Safe in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary!
Thank you all so much, I posted this so that we could all gain hope and know that even in the worst possible scenario God is with us. And if things get so bad that all you can do is pray, then just do that. God finds a way to reach each and every one of us, we need to be open to realise it. Thankfully, my daughter is home, however, she is autistic and is the one that I asked for prayer for a couple of weeks ago. She isn't equipped to deal with this world, and it would appear that the wrong people use her disabilities for their own gain. She is the one with two babies, thankfully, they are all with me. She has escaped a controlling and violent person. We have to go back to Court to ensure that she is safe and her babies are safe. It is a tough situation. Years ago, people were kind if you had a disability of any kind or a low IQ. Sadly, today, it isn't the case. And our laws don't protect the vulnerable as well as they could do. I appreciate your prayers and words of wisdom, from all of you. I share my story, as there are so many people that have not experienced the love of God and they need to see that even when bad things do happen, it is not a punishment from God, but rather coming up against those that do not live out His Will. I have sat before the Blessed Sacrament, and suddenly become so aware of His love and that I was doing what all the saints want to do, just sit at the feet of God, when I have been filled with so much joy that I thought I was going to burst. So many things God has given to me, in His mercy and through His faithfulness, nothing on my part. He is my everything. I smile just thinking about Him. I also wrote this to give each and everyone one of you hope. Come what may, God will get you through it. When my daughter was fleeing from this person, (the police helped her get away) but she missed her connecting train and couldn't get back to me as she didnt have any money. I asked Mother Mary, earlier that day to bring her home safe and to surround her with her angels. Well, when this happened, I was told that I would have to get to my nearest rail station with the cash. They didn't accept debit or credit cards in situations like this (a stranded person at a train station). It was going to cost me £108:00. When I got to the mainline station, the cashiers were closing, I had five minutes to sort things before the last train left (which was over 100 miles away) to bring my daughter home. I was already warned that my daughter wouldn't be put on the train until the money was paid, the forms were filled in and the train station called to say that all was in order. You can imagine the panic. I explained that my daughter was autistic, they worked fast (although I was sure that the train would leave), they called the station master, who had relented and put her on the train anyway! Wow.. a turnaround... I paid the £108 and was about to leave when I was called back to the kiosk and they gave my money back!!!! I was so overcome at their kindness that I cried. Other times I have been in awful situations and have had to go through them but have been given the spiritual consolations, such as it being revealed what Our Blessed Mother is able to do when souls abandon themselves to her, and on another occasion, when I received the chalice. It disappeared, and I beheld the face of Christ. This was when I was going through a particular ordeal. God is with us. Always. I could go on and on, I am sure that you each have your own story to tell, and it would be so lovely to hear them, so lovely to hear the mercies and the miracles that God is bringing to our lives. One time when I was crying so hard, I felt someone cradle me. Whilst in Medjugorje, I felt cradled every night when I went to bed. God unites Himself to us totally in all we go through if we just open up to Him. I know of others that don't get the spiritual consolations so much, but money expectantly turns up when needed that kind of thing. During these times, we must share what God is doing for each and every one of us, then we will not lose heart, and any fear that we knew will be diminished. i am so thankful to have "stumbled" upon this forum (God and Our Blessed Mother incidence am sure). I have gone from being so petrified of God to being blown away by His love, His tenderness and His unfathomable mercy.
It takes so much courage to share. So much courage to love, for always in loving we risk lost. I suppose that is the great message of the Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart of Mary; That hearts exposed risk hurt. .....but that risking that hurt, though overcoming fear through love bring astonishing healing to countless others; .............becoming Sacred Hearts themselves
This in it's turn reminds me of what a monk told me years ago. That it's important not only to love but to show love. I thought this was crazy. For we asa family were not, I thought huggers and kissers; What need d I said to show it? To say it? this st But he only stared straight at me and said, 'You do' Well this stuck with me and years later when I had more than a few drinks I went home and told my parents I loved them. The hardest thing, I think I ever did. To y amazement they were overwhelmed. We all stood and hugged each other. Then I knew it needed to be said; not just felt or implied; but said. Many years later my dad said to me right out of the blue, when he was dying of cancer, ''Padraig every time you talked about God you always said that it all boils down to love. I thought you were crazy, But now I know you were right all long' He was sober when he said this. I needed drink. But I was so happy I told him and that he told me. Pescious memories
Since I was little I was always willing to "play the fool". I would be the first to hug, the first to speak love, the first to kiss someone I loved and cared about. When I first started attending daily mass it was Sept. 12, 2001. I instantly fell in love with the little old men and women who had been there for years and in wanting to express my love for them I held around Christmas, the first "Breakfast between the Masses". In the vestibule I set up tables and draped them, set coffee and food and stood on a chair over them all and told them the reason we were there....because I loved them. They loved it, I loved it, we all cried, it was great! But I too found it was very important to hear the words...even from my own mouth.
Mary's Child, I am sitting here in awe.You must be very precious to Our lady and Jesus!You have taught me many lessons. I will be at Adoration tomorrow and praying for you all,and for Our lady's intentions so she can help other with those graces.
